DD's Prom

This is my dd looking beautiful and excited to be going to her Senior Prom. I was happy taking a million pictures of she and her boyfriend before they left. It was when they left that I became just a bit sad...

As they drove off in the rented 2010 convertible mustang, that DD refused to put the top down in for fear it would ruin her hair, I couldn't help but think about how fast the time has gone by. She is slowly leaving me. She is still my 1st born, and she is still my "girl", but she is growing up so fast! She is mature, poised, and just down right fabulous! Of course all of this is what I wanted, but it is sad to see that most of my work is done. I wish now that I had looked ahead a moment to this time, and enjoyed the journey a bit more. I suppose I could blame the angst that was so much of HER journey to this point! But I won't. What I am going to do is enjoy, well try to enjoy the rest of her journey.

DD, I love you with all of my heart.

To myself, I say you will enjoy the rest whether you like it or not!!! Wait, isn't that what I used to say to her?...

Road trip

This is just one of the many beautiful buildings at CSU Chico. It is an amazingly gorgeous campus!!!! I feel totally comfortable with the idea of my dd going to school there. I was sad too though because I will miss her. She has become not just my dd, but a bff!

life

I have been very bad about keeping up with my blog. I have been consumed with work and family life. I know that is exactly what I am supposed to be talking about here, but these things can make me too tired to write. Classic caught between a rock and a hardplace situation!

Work, it is called "work" for a reason! I am loving it, but I expend so much energy controlling the class so that learning is possible, I usually have to come home and take a nap! Forget blogging then. I will say that I do love my job. And, in this economy, I feel grateful to have a job!

The family is good. DD goes back and forth between being excited about going away to college next year, and crying from fear. She and I are going to visit Chico during spring break. I hope that helps her be more excited.

CS is doing ok. He needs to take his meds so that his mood will be stable. He is going to have to learn for himself that life is better on the meds than not. It worries me, but I can't force them down his mouth.

WH is coming to a peaceful place with work. He too is happy to have a job in this economy. That makes the deadline driven nature of his job easier to take. I am glad. This makes his easier to live with when work gets extra busy!

We continue to have happy time together. This is new for our family. One of the kids would usually do something to ruin any time we had together. I think the kids are starting to realize that our relationship as a family is changing. DD leaving to go to college will be a huge change. We will be happy for her and miss her at the same time.

So that is life in the land of the ordinary for now.

Son

My 14 year old son (cs) has taken to walking around the house asking what he should do with his life. He is coming to the conclusion that he doesn't want to play sports anymore, and therefore his dream of a professional career are going to have to fade away. He is having trouble with the void that is left. He knows he must go to college. I have never discussed anything but WHERE my kids will go to college, not if they will go. I think knowing this is comforting. He is struggling with what comes next. Now I realize that 14 is young to be having a mid-life crisis, but he is like me, and wants to know what the future holds.

My reaction is to be proud, and scared. I am proud that he is mature enough to know that what he does now will effect his future options. I am scared because he is a gentle and sensitive boy. He is truly having a mini crisis. Thankfully he loves to cook, especially to bake. He is actually quite good at it too. He cooks something for us every weekend. He made waffles a couple of weeks ago that were the best I have ever had! So in my mind I can see him in a white shirt with a big hat and flour all over the place! Of course, this is me making plans. He could decide to become a lawyer or teacher next week!

I am just happy that he has an activity he can enjoy (even if it means I will gain lots of weight).

To my CS I say enjoy your journey of discovery...take your time figuring out what you want from life.

Darling daughter

I sit at my computer tonight feeling better about life than I have for some time. My dd got her acceptance letter from California State University, Chico today! This was her first choice!!!!! There was a time when i had real concerns about her willingness to finish high school much less make it to pursue higher education. Whew......

Cal State Chico is a lovely campus in Northern CA. It has the look and feel of an eastern college. It is a residential school, so the campus life is easy to enjoy! I'm just glad she gets to have the "away" at college experience at a good school!

She wants to major in philosophy. So like my dd. She has her head in the clouds, and is always much too busy thinking great thoughts to worry about the mundane realities of life! She is even considering a PhD and becoming a professor. Because she comes from a family of public school teachers, she balks at the idea of following in our footsteps. However, I think that teaching is genetic. Honestly, if I could go back and change one thing in my life and still be able to end up where I am now, I would have gotten a PhD, and become a history professor!

To my daughter I say: I am proud of you. You have achieved something most people only dream of. Work, play, laugh, and stay focused! You are amazing, and I look forward to seeing what amazing and surprising things you will do. I love you!!!!!

To myself I say: Job well done. You have raised a thoughtful, intelligent daughter. It wasn't easy at all, but you never gave up. Enjoy this moment.

To the world I say: 2009 is already one of my best years. Keep the faith. The economy is in large part dependant upon our confidence in its ability to sustain us. Pray, meditate, or whatever you do.

:)

Life on the color line

For all of you who may be wondering what it feels like to be both black and white, and for those of you who have never given it a moments thought I would like to share 2 poems I wrote about a year ago...

#1

I look inside for
my story to tell
the history, the people,
the place.

I look inside for a fortress
in which to dwell
and all I see is a
white woman's face

I look all around for
open brown arms
the promise of embrace
I look outside for community
and instead there is a problem called race

I am from the future
one in whom all the
world resides
They're not ready yet
and so I wait for the change of the tides





#2
You look at me and say
You're not black
You're too light
I look in the mirror I am not white

You listen to me then say
You're not black
You talk too right
I listen to my voice
I am not white

You touch my hair and say
You're not black
The curls are too soft and not tight
I run my fingers through my curls
I am not white

You may say I'm not black
My skins too light
My voice too right
My curls aren't tight

But mother Africa calls to me at night!


These are for all the members of my family who have had the same experiences.

I stand corrected

My sister is in the middle with her son, my mom is on the far right, and I am on the left

Before I start, I want to say that life is good! My kids are self-absorbed brats, but I love them, and they love me! MY wh is such a loving and kind man. He just gets me! It makes our life so easy. We fight, but we talk, and we talk some more, and then we laugh, hug and thank our blessings!

Okay, so for the topic of the day...

I told my mother about my new adventure in the world of blogging. She was interested and read what I have written. I won't quote what she said because I would feel like I was bragging, but let it suffice to say she enjoyed what she read!

She did however want me to be sure that I understood exactly what the dna testing said about her and my father. My mother is 49% African, 1% Asian, and 50% European. My father is 53% African and 47 % European. Okay that is done! Those of you out there have the real truth. That makes me 51% African, .5% Asian, and 48.5% European, I think!

I have to ask myself why it was so important that I be so exact about the numbers. I know the answer already...The more European, the better. (I'm sorry Mom) In a society where until November 4th, White was right, I don't really blame her. The fact that she grew up in a city that has a community of light skinned people of mixed racial descent who kept to themselves makes this even more likely.

My daughter and a friend...put her

by mistake...can't delete now!

Besides, I know my mother. She doesn't want race, and skin color to matter, but they do. She is a product of her upbringing. There is much there of which to be proud. The fact that both of her parents, grandparents, and great grand parents had college educations is a source of great pride for my mother and for me! Her grand father had a PhD! I love telling people that my great grandfather, an African American who served in WWI had a PhD. That makes me feel special. I feel a great sense of duty to those upon whose shoulders I stand. And, if they were more concerened about skin then I would like to be, so be it, I am still very proud of them (Mom, I love you!)

Family life

WH at the computer with a glass of wine!

My Tuna casserole (it did not request me to not use its name!)

CS(charming son) texting in family room!

Me and dd(darling daughter)

It is a strange thing having teenage kids. One day I am the most stupid, or embarrassing person alive. On those days they don't want to look at me much less talk to me.

Yesterday was however one of the rare days when both of my kids were in the mood to belong to a family. They used to beg for family movie, or game nights. I would cringe at the thought of watching Harry Potter of some other of their favorites for the hundredth time! The games

were even worse, my son has ADHD, and evening has never been a good time for him. Movies would keep his attention, if he wasn't winning a game he was whining, constantly talking or anything else he could to make the rest of us miserable. I never thought I would miss those nights, but lately I have.

Last night my wh requested Tuna casserole for dinner. I make a good casserole, but I had given him the choice of anything he wanted...and that's what he chose. While I was making the casserole, my son was coming in and out of the kitchen talking to me and (you'd better sit down) offering to help! I added spinach to my recipe, and put extra wine in it to make it special - definitely worked! We sat at the dining room table and had a proper dinner together! There was pleasant conversation. The kids kept the bickering to a minimum, and a good time was had! I knew there was something special about the night at this point. The kids asked if we could play The Office Trivia game I had given my husband for Christmas. He is often too tired on Fridays for this sort of thing. But the magic of the night had him excited about the game! It was fun just reading the directions and setting up the game. We were confused at first about the rules, but it became really funny as we started to understand. When we actually began to play the laughing tripled. It was so so much fun!!!!! I haven't laughed that much in a long time. The best part was that my husband won, and my son never even pouted once! Family can be magic. It was for mine last night.

I decided I wanted to hold on to the magic for just a bit longer. I made pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and blackberries for breakfast. They were a huge hit with the family. I don't cook much...maybe that is part of the magic. I will have to try again and see.

My background!

Me and my son!

My daughter and my older nephew

My Mom and younger nephew

I alluded in my rambling description to the fact that I am 50% African. I must explain this so that anyone who stumbles upon my writing will understand what that actually means.

I am not 50% African in the same way that our future president is. I do not have a parent from a country in Africa (I really bothers me that Africa's many nations are lumped together as if they are homogeneous.) Anyway, both of my parents are 50% African. My mother is 48 % European, and 2% Asian, and my dad is 50% European.

If you haven't figured it out by now, this is how it happened. Both of my parents are "mixed", and both of their parents were mixed, and their grand parents were mixed, and their great-grand parents were mixed...

I have a cousin on my mother's side of my family who has worked to find out about the family. He has found census records back to the mid 19th century. We were mulatto that far back. On my mother's father's side, the family lived in Philadelphia, and there is no evidence that there was ever a slave in the family. My mother's mother's side of the family, as well as both sides of my father's family are from South Carolina. We don't know the name of a family member who was a slave, but I assume there probably were slaves. My mom likes to think that her family was one of the few free black families in the South. I don't see why it matters. Besides, even if we did find family evidence of a free person living in the South Carolina that would suggest a couple of things: that person or their parent had been emancipated at some point - slave, and/or that person might not have been particularly smart. Of course family is a great motivator when decision making, but I think I would have gotten the h%*% out of there!

So, I come from a long line of light skinned black people. They worked hard to retain the privilege of their lighter skin by marrying only people with similar skin tone and European features.

That is enough for now. I will add a picture later. I have a great one of my immediate family, but I need to scan it!

Good Morning!

Well the world seems a bit brighter this morning! After sending me into the depths of sorrow with his question about the situation in the middle east, my husband sat quietly at his computer and suddenly my favorite version of Somewhere over the rainbow/What a wonderful world was playing on the ukulele by Iz ? the Hawaiian guy. He knows how much I love those songs! It definitely cheered me up. We hugged and danced. It was a beautiful moment! I felt much better.



Things got even better when my daughter called to say that she was watching "Steel Magnolias". She said she had called because she knew that I had watched that movie for the first time the night that I sat up in labor with her! Considering the fact that there are times I she barely remembers my name that was a monumental event. I felt overwhelmed with joy and the urge to just squeeze her until she screamed for me to stop. However, since this conversation took place via a phone call that was impossible!



I had to call her back to tell her that it was all I could do not to get out of bed at that very moment and write in my blog how wonderful I felt! I know I will be annoyed both with my daughter and my husband within only a matter of hours, but for now, I am basking in the warmth of their love!



I am also making soup! Very rare! I don't like to cook. I would like to like to cook, but it just hasn't happened!