DD's Prom

This is my dd looking beautiful and excited to be going to her Senior Prom. I was happy taking a million pictures of she and her boyfriend before they left. It was when they left that I became just a bit sad...

As they drove off in the rented 2010 convertible mustang, that DD refused to put the top down in for fear it would ruin her hair, I couldn't help but think about how fast the time has gone by. She is slowly leaving me. She is still my 1st born, and she is still my "girl", but she is growing up so fast! She is mature, poised, and just down right fabulous! Of course all of this is what I wanted, but it is sad to see that most of my work is done. I wish now that I had looked ahead a moment to this time, and enjoyed the journey a bit more. I suppose I could blame the angst that was so much of HER journey to this point! But I won't. What I am going to do is enjoy, well try to enjoy the rest of her journey.

DD, I love you with all of my heart.

To myself, I say you will enjoy the rest whether you like it or not!!! Wait, isn't that what I used to say to her?...

Road trip

This is just one of the many beautiful buildings at CSU Chico. It is an amazingly gorgeous campus!!!! I feel totally comfortable with the idea of my dd going to school there. I was sad too though because I will miss her. She has become not just my dd, but a bff!

Spring and the winter of my discontent

Ah yes, the signs of spring in my garden. This picture is green, and full of new growth. I feel totally the opposite!

Actually my life is good. I am grateful to have a teaching job (at least until June). My family is healthy...but I am smack in the middle of a PMS funk! That is particularly ironic since I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago!!!!!!!!

I think my life can be summed up as a series of stark contradictions. For example, the fact that I am about 95% gray, and still get pimples! That is just not fair! Neither is the fact I get pms but not a period! I am cranky, sad, just blah! I have been mean to my WH and the kids. I am going to just get over myself and my pity party right now!

So let me talk about my garden. This is but a small section. It is planted rather randomly. I just put stuff in the ground and see what happens. I love to play with combinations of color and texture. I use a lot of purple and yellow because those are the only colors WH can see. He is very color blind. The garden needs trimming, and weeding. I have the next 2 weeks off from work for spring break so I will spend some time with my crazy lady hat, clippers and gloves. This is a very rewarding activity. I will post results as soon as they are available!

life

I have been very bad about keeping up with my blog. I have been consumed with work and family life. I know that is exactly what I am supposed to be talking about here, but these things can make me too tired to write. Classic caught between a rock and a hardplace situation!

Work, it is called "work" for a reason! I am loving it, but I expend so much energy controlling the class so that learning is possible, I usually have to come home and take a nap! Forget blogging then. I will say that I do love my job. And, in this economy, I feel grateful to have a job!

The family is good. DD goes back and forth between being excited about going away to college next year, and crying from fear. She and I are going to visit Chico during spring break. I hope that helps her be more excited.

CS is doing ok. He needs to take his meds so that his mood will be stable. He is going to have to learn for himself that life is better on the meds than not. It worries me, but I can't force them down his mouth.

WH is coming to a peaceful place with work. He too is happy to have a job in this economy. That makes the deadline driven nature of his job easier to take. I am glad. This makes his easier to live with when work gets extra busy!

We continue to have happy time together. This is new for our family. One of the kids would usually do something to ruin any time we had together. I think the kids are starting to realize that our relationship as a family is changing. DD leaving to go to college will be a huge change. We will be happy for her and miss her at the same time.

So that is life in the land of the ordinary for now.

Son

My 14 year old son (cs) has taken to walking around the house asking what he should do with his life. He is coming to the conclusion that he doesn't want to play sports anymore, and therefore his dream of a professional career are going to have to fade away. He is having trouble with the void that is left. He knows he must go to college. I have never discussed anything but WHERE my kids will go to college, not if they will go. I think knowing this is comforting. He is struggling with what comes next. Now I realize that 14 is young to be having a mid-life crisis, but he is like me, and wants to know what the future holds.

My reaction is to be proud, and scared. I am proud that he is mature enough to know that what he does now will effect his future options. I am scared because he is a gentle and sensitive boy. He is truly having a mini crisis. Thankfully he loves to cook, especially to bake. He is actually quite good at it too. He cooks something for us every weekend. He made waffles a couple of weeks ago that were the best I have ever had! So in my mind I can see him in a white shirt with a big hat and flour all over the place! Of course, this is me making plans. He could decide to become a lawyer or teacher next week!

I am just happy that he has an activity he can enjoy (even if it means I will gain lots of weight).

To my CS I say enjoy your journey of discovery...take your time figuring out what you want from life.

Work

I had to physically separate 2 boys who were on the verge of a fight in my class yesterday! I was surprisingly calm.. I guess because this wasn't the first fight to almost happen in my class (2nd) I am a pro at handling these situations. YEAH RIGHT. I got a sure of adrenalin and my mind took over my actions. On the one hand I love these kids. They are poor, and lack all or most of the advantages I had as a kid - parental involvement, security at home, a safe neighborhood, etc. I try to put myself in their shoes. So far, I can only imagine what they are going through.

The education system thus far has also failed them. They are 8th graders who read at a 5th grade level. They have been allowed to do things like, keep their notebooks in class because "they aren't responsible enough to take them home and remember to bring them back. That was shocking and scary. If they aren't required to do better than that they won't. I told them to take the notebooks so they can learn to responsible. The notebooks in class is an insult to the kids for one thing. Secondly it enables lack of responsibility. I won't do that. They are going to high school next year and then out into the world. My boss doesn't keep my work materials in his office because I can't be trusted to remember them. In fact, I would lose my job if this were the case.

I am angry. The world tells these kids they "can't do or be" certain things. I refuse to participate in that.

If I can offer a message to the universe...let these kids learn from their mean and crazy history teacher that they can be responsible and do more than they have been told they can do!

Reading and doing

So what does a person who loves to knit and read do to balance. I have just recently discovered a way to do both at the same time. This has been a dream of mine for many years. Yes friends, I have discovered the wonderful world of books on cd!!!! I just listened to the book EAT, PRAY, LOVE on cd and it was a revolution. I can know, knit and crochet to my hearts content, AND stay caught up on my reading. I had to read this book for my book club. I have always said that it would take away from the "reading experience" to listen to someone reading to me. It did not. In fact because it was the author reading it actually added to the experience, and I am more than half way through making a cardigan! I was able to continue reading slowly (a few pages each night in bed) The Queens fool. I am about 2/3s of the way done! I haven't blogged lately because I have been so busy with the knitting and the listening....totally worth it!

The pictures are scenes from family life. It has been really good lately.