I have a confession to make. I have depression. I have walked through much of my life feeling like I am walking through jello. I have sought treatment. I take medication, but sometimes I still feel really sad, hopeless, and worthless. When I told my daughter I had titled my blog "notes from the ordinary" she asked me if I really felt ordinary? I don't know if I was feeling depressed, or what, but I said kind of yes. She said that was silly and went back to her life of self absorption. I went on to feel so depressed by this morning that I could barely get myself to go to work.
I went to a new doctor today and he put me on a new medication. (Thanks to my amazing husband, who called and made the appointment for me!) I have my fingers crossed. It always makes me feel better knowing there is a possibility of feeling better... I hope it works.
I do most of the things people with depression are supposed to do most of the time (count my blessings, spend time doing things I like, making myself get out of the house and see people). I don't eat correctly. I have a chocolate addiction that is overwhelming! I am trying to use sugar free chocolate pudding to satisfy my cravings. (It works sometimes). If it does should I say that I am walking with pudding? Stupid joke, sorry!
To whom did I just apologize? Do I really thing someone out in cyberspace is reading this? Actually, I kind of hope there is. Why does that sound so pathetic? I am depressed, and lonely. I have friends, they just seem far away. So, I write this blog for myself, and any other lonely person who may feel less lonely knowing that I am here, well, feeling lonely.
It is time for bed. I must make my way through the jello to take a shower and read a few pages of "World Without End" by Ken Follett, before rebooting for tomorrow's journey.